How is it that I have given my heart to someone who cares not to receive it? I have fallen so deeply in love with a woman whom I married, but a wife didn't come with the wedding. It took me some time before I could no longer deny the truth, and as real as the truth is, I sought to avoid it, in hopes that she would come around to reason. How is it that one can fall so deeply in love with someone that they lose all sense of themselves?
I gave my everything to my wife, so much that I had no memory of who I was. How is it that a heart is overwhelmed with pain? Pain, so great that its blood that flows thorough the heart, swell its capacity to contain the warmth it once had. I surrender my emotions to the one woman I ever loved, trusting that she would keep the dream we shared alive. Somewhere within our years together, she dropped out emotionally from our relationship and her actions towards me, were as cold as ice.
Some say I have gone mad. They ask me if I want to take my wife home to her lover? So, what if people make fun of me. The hardest reality for me, is to admit to myself that the woman I still love, loves someone else. Her heart no longer beats for me. Of course, being a man, means living with the truth, and the truth is, if we stay together, it would be a lifetime of sorrow and regret. Life is precious, because time is not our own, when two people disagree. No matter how much time you want to spend with the one you love, if they are loving another, their absence from you is felt deeply in a place that is as intimate as the love you once shared.
My male friends tell me that I can't control my woman, and that is my problem. My heart tells me that there is no such thing as controlling your woman, only loving your woman. My male colleagues ask me aren't you a man? In which I tell them, if being a man means robbing a woman of her happiness, then in their eyes, I am not a man according to their definition. The truth is, being a man is facing the truth! If, being a man is living with a woman whose body belongs to you, but her heart and affection belongs to another, then what is life without reciprocity?
Being a man means being selfless, because love is not selfish. My happiness lies not within my heart, because it is painful to admit the truth of loving someone so much, that you are devoid of your very soul. Her actions shattered all the dreams we had for one another and the thoughts we once shared with generosity, became mute, as she made every effort to avoid me. Like a caged bird, I watched as she left me for another, although emotionally she had left me more than three years ago. As she physically walked away for the last time, I was hoping for a cursory glance, but she walked away as if the wind were at her back, never to see me again.
In my loneliness, I've come to know, that wishing for something and actually getting it are two different things. Love is not receiving it, but giving it. Love is sacrifice and without ever having known love, one can never understand sacrifice. The two complement one another, much like a paradox. You can not appreciate the love you have until you have sacrificed something to get love and sacrificed even more to keep love. Without sacrifice, love is meaningless and without appreciation. It is then that you begin to lose love, when you stop sacrificing the things you once did to maintain it. Divorce is nothing more than a public admission of failure of a marriage. I got married, but a wife didn't come with it, so why am I surprised at its outcome?
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