Staying On The Path

One day I lost my way and I found my compass for life in the philosophies of Ancient Societies. The Philosophies of The Ancient Societies were my map for the present and for the future. My direction was initially one of darkness. I could not find my path, so I wondered for half a century, like so many on this Planet.

In the darkness, the absence of hope, choked whatever ambition I thought I had. I was blinded by my quest for someone to share my life with. I traveled North, South, East and West. It was in the South, that I entered this World. It was in the North that I felt the unforgiving cold of nature and the warmth of fellowship. It was in the East, where I came to understand the West. So, I returned to the East to understand myself. It was in the East where my heart ached each time I found myself back in the West. A burning that engulfed my every thought, like fire. An intensity that consumed me and the sparks affected everyone around me.

Just like a fire needs fuel to burn, so too does a memory need a past to exist. The burning within my heart will only diminish when my memory of her is occupied by the loving presence of another. Until then, the pain that I feel is like no other and the longing like that of something once held close, but as distant as the numbness that engulfs me.

International Medical Insurance

It was 1:00 a.m. Tuesday morning when the right-side of my chest throbbed with each heartbeat, awakening me suddenly from my sleep. I tried to sit up but my right arm was numb and uncooperative. I rolled out of bed only to fall to the floor, realizing that my shirt was drenched with sweat. I tried once again to sit up, but I was too dizzy to make sense of what was going on. My eyes blurred from the salt stinging sweat and the darkness all around me, I struggled to try to find the phone. I rolled left and I rolled to the right, only to find myself stuck there on my right side, barely the strength to upright myself.

I concentrated on all that I had done with my life in the darkness and uncertainty that followed and wondered what have I done to deserve such a fate. Am I do die here all alone with no one to see me crossover and no one to morn my immediate departure? Hours must have passed before I came to and found myself in the emergency room with plastic tubing going into my nostrils, metal needles in my arm, patches on my chest with wires going here and there all the way down to my legs. When I looked up the glaring examination lamps with their shiny aluminum covers blinded me on wakening and the bags of fluids hanging over my head did nothing to ensure that I was going to be alright.

The first words I heard from anyone since my sudden awakening with chest pain was the woman from the admissions office of the hospital asking me for my medical insurance information. Thank goodness I was able to speak and more importantly recognize that she wasn't my doctor. I gave her my medical insurance information and she didn't seem to pleased and walked away without saying goodbye or "I hope you feel better." To her, I was just another person in the grand scheme of her workload that early morning. Throughout the ensuing four days, I had medications for pain, Nitroglycerin and Morphine. I had an EKG, a chest X-ray, a CT Scan of my neck, chest and groin and if, that wasn't enough, I had an MRI of my head, neck and chest to include an echocardiogram of my heart and a sonogram of my legs. I was poked, prodded and had more than one orifice explored, only to be told that I had a passing blood clot in my right lung and that I didn't have a heart attack.

Over those four days in the emergency room and upstairs in the Cardiac Unit of the hospital, I had seen a transporter, an admission clerk, a patient care technician, an licensed practical nurse, a dietary aide, a nutritionist, a registered nurse, a nurse practitioner, a pulmonologist, a cardiologist, an Internal Medicine Specialist and a host of Allied Health Practitioners, ranging from Nursing Assistants to Phlebotomist-folks who draw your blood. Most of these folks make a decent living and have an array of benefits associated with working at such a fine hospital, so as I am laying there in bed, I began to ponder just how much all of this is going to cost me and more importantly, how much of the total hospital bill would the medical insurance cover?

When I saw the admitting physician on my fourth day in the hospital, I sure was eager to go home. It sure is difficult to get any sleep in the hospital because there is always someone coming in about once a hour in the cardiac unit to take your blood pressure, your temperature, your blood, your urine (to measure your input and output)or listen to your lung sounds for fluid buildup. This was my first hospitalization in all my years on this planet and I must admit, you haven't lived until you've been hospitalized. I say this because, it is the ultimate in humility. You are no longer the master of your life, because when you are in the hospital, you are at the mercy of people you don't know, who may or may not have your best interest at heart and worse still, who may be competent at what they're doing or Lord forbid, just doing what they're doing to make ends meet and not really have passion for their work or empathy for the patient.

I'm blessed to have survived my hospitalization and I am equally blessed to have gone through the experience and lived to tell it. Going to the hospital is one thing and getting out alive and unharmed or infected is another. There are many medical insurance plans available and it's hard to know which medical insurance plan is right for you. For me, I found that the Blue Cross Blue Shield Plan that I had was utterly of no use abroad and was grateful for the International Medical Insurance and Pacific Prime Health Insurance that I carried. Between the two of them, the financial burden of my short hospitalization was for the most part taken care of and I am free to roam the Earth once again.

Autopsy of A Divorce

How is it that I have given my heart to someone who cares not to receive it? I have fallen so deeply in love with a woman whom I married, but a wife didn't come with the wedding. It took me some time before I could no longer deny the truth, and as real as the truth is, I sought to avoid it, in hopes that she would come around to reason. How is it that one can fall so deeply in love with someone that they lose all sense of themselves?

I gave my everything to my wife, so much that I had no memory of who I was. How is it that a heart is overwhelmed with pain? Pain, so great that its blood that flows thorough the heart, swell its capacity to contain the warmth it once had. I surrender my emotions to the one woman I ever loved, trusting that she would keep the dream we shared alive. Somewhere within our years together, she dropped out emotionally from our relationship and her actions towards me, were as cold as ice.

Some say I have gone mad. They ask me if I want to take my wife home to her lover? So, what if people make fun of me. The hardest reality for me, is to admit to myself that the woman I still love, loves someone else. Her heart no longer beats for me. Of course, being a man, means living with the truth, and the truth is, if we stay together, it would be a lifetime of sorrow and regret. Life is precious, because time is not our own, when two people disagree. No matter how much time you want to spend with the one you love, if they are loving another, their absence from you is felt deeply in a place that is as intimate as the love you once shared.

My male friends tell me that I can't control my woman, and that is my problem. My heart tells me that there is no such thing as controlling your woman, only loving your woman. My male colleagues ask me aren't you a man? In which I tell them, if being a man means robbing a woman of her happiness, then in their eyes, I am not a man according to their definition. The truth is, being a man is facing the truth! If, being a man is living with a woman whose body belongs to you, but her heart and affection belongs to another, then what is life without reciprocity?

Being a man means being selfless, because love is not selfish. My happiness lies not within my heart, because it is painful to admit the truth of loving someone so much, that you are devoid of your very soul. Her actions shattered all the dreams we had for one another and the thoughts we once shared with generosity, became mute, as she made every effort to avoid me. Like a caged bird, I watched as she left me for another, although emotionally she had left me more than three years ago. As she physically walked away for the last time, I was hoping for a cursory glance, but she walked away as if the wind were at her back, never to see me again.

In my loneliness, I've come to know, that wishing for something and actually getting it are two different things. Love is not receiving it, but giving it. Love is sacrifice and without ever having known love, one can never understand sacrifice. The two complement one another, much like a paradox. You can not appreciate the love you have until you have sacrificed something to get love and sacrificed even more to keep love. Without sacrifice, love is meaningless and without appreciation. It is then that you begin to lose love, when you stop sacrificing the things you once did to maintain it. Divorce is nothing more than a public admission of failure of a marriage. I got married, but a wife didn't come with it, so why am I surprised at its outcome?

How Do You Know That Your Love Is True?

"You know you have found true love, when that one person occupies your every thought and when you are with them, nothing else around you exists but them. There is no room in your mind for someone else to interrupt who you are thinking about and there is no room in your heart for anyone else but that person.

True love is true, because it possesses all of you. Your heart, your mind and everything that you do. Your actions certify that what you have is real and those who know you, will speak of a glow that illuminates from you.

True love results from sacrifice without hesitation. You don't think twice about doing something for the one who has captured your heart, because to refuse, brings pain to you. True love is pain, but its pain is all suffocating and the depth of the pain is everlasting.

True love is a love within yourself that you lose yourself for when you share it with someone else. You no longer exist as a person. You become one with the person who inhabits your every thought. There is a longing that you can't explain when the one you feel so much for is absent, it is a void that is worse than death.

True love is true, because the truth doesn't need an explanation, its feelings run deeper than any sensation you've ever had and its actions remind you to be sure the other person feels the same way too. We all experience it at least once in our lives and even though we may not realize it, we sometimes walk away from it, not knowing it and spend the rest of our lifetimes seeking it"

From the readings of Curthom

Love In A Time Of Innocence

This is probably something that many of us in similar situations will probably never admit, but I will for the sake of disclosure, so that my readers will better understand me. My parents really didn't love each other, both of them used to love someone else. I believe that to be the reason that I was left with a sense of emptiness all my life. They stayed together some 12 years until they decided to get a divorce and go their separate ways. My sisters and brothers, we all became "collateral damage" as a result of the divorce. Left with this aunt and that uncle, this grandmother and that grandmother, until everyone tried of having us around.

I use to tell myself, I would never get married because I didn't want to feel the depth of a greater emptiness still, if my wife ever left me. There is something very cynical and evil about rejection. I can't explain it, but there is no medicine that can cure it when you have it, so you learn to live with it. I followed my heart one day, grew to love someone and got married to what I thought was a beautiful woman and person. Mind you, she was beautiful, but as a person, her selfishness was simply astounding, beyond anything I could have ever imagined or predicted. She didn't reciprocate her love or things. She didn't share herself with me, and I was her husband. It's like I got married, but a wife didn't come with the marriage! The beauty was physical, but the attitude was real and superficial. Nothing genuine about her, not even pretending to like me, just what I could give her. Just take, take, take, no give me some of your time, your love, your humanity. I could only attribute in hindsight, that her childhood must have been one of many challenges and hardships, because she was a shell of a woman and a wife without emotions. Could I have been that drunk with love, to not notice the single mindedness of our relationship? Gosh only knows, but soon enough I found out after I got married that my wife was in love with someone else and I had financed his university education and his living expenses over our four year courtship. Can you imagine what's it like being married to someone and yet there is no empathy, compassion, affection or consideration for you from your wife? It's like being with a roommate who doesn't even acknowledge that you are in the same room with them. What a shallow feeling and existence.


As expected, the depths of emptiness, drowned me in darkness. A darkness in which my eyes were wide open, but I still couldn't see. I should have seen all the red flags and warnings before we got married, but I was so in love with her, that I hadn't even notice that I, as a person had changed. I had become the pawn that she was looking for and gave her most of the things she asked for and what I didn't give to her, I put on "layaway," that is, I promised that we would get those things, whatever they were later, because for now, I felt we needed to spend more time bonding with each other and less time working so hard to pay for the things we already had. Little did I realize that she was building her life with someone else on the side and me, boy oh boy, how blind you are when you are in love with someone-you're lucky if you can see the world around you sometimes, because all your energy and attention is on the one you love. So, a lot of things got by me and I missed out on most of the signals your family and friends tell you about, thinking, oh no, that doesn't apply to "my wife," because "she's special, she's my wife!"


Then, one day the pain that you harbour, mimics a heart attack and you finally admit to yourself that you have no desire to leave the relationship because of the shame associated with failure and rejection and besides, where else are you going to find someone who makes you feel the way she does, or the way, you imagined she would before you married. So, I persisted for years until the blatant disrespect for marriage took its toil and she filed for divorce. When the divorce papers arrived, it was like tearing the skin from a fresh wound. Up until then I suffered alone and keep my pain personal and to myself, but the divorce papers, woke me up to the depth of my pain. The depth was deeper than any ocean or any sky. The pain of rejection, failure and outright disrespect for the sacredness of marriage, left a void within me that numbed my heart and I could no longer feel its beats. Like most of us, I continued to follow my heart and it lead me to the "slaughterhouse of deceit." My heart fooled me, and my emotions ran empty, leaving me a shell of a man. So, here I stand alone in a world of strangers once again. A skeleton of the man I use to be and absent of the person, I am to become.


I guess everything happens for a reason, or at least that is what we are supposed to tell ourselves, huh? So, what have I learned from this experience? What was the reason of it all? Hmmm, let's see...Well, I've learned that people oftentimes make excuses for being together. We're together because of this or that, the income, the kids, the things they own, etc., and one day when one or the other tires of the excuses, one of them, the other, or both of them, make up their minds and say to the other, no more excuses and part ways. Through it all, I've come to realize that it's not in the departure that paralyzes you, but the thoughts of the relationship ending and having to start over with or without someone else in your life.


"What is love, but the acceptance of what we feel to be emotional, even in the absence of reciprocity. Love is nothing more than trust unveiled" Curthom

Dreams versus Realities

For a week or so, I have been so busy organizing

and reorganizing a business structure, that it

seems that my days and nights are blended together and if it wasn't for the sun rising, and the sun setting, I wouldn't even know what time of day it is or what day of the week or month it is.

I guess that the nature of an Internet business, your days and nights can sometimes become blended.

If, you spend a fair amount of time online, editing, designing, tweaking and other stuff to your website that after a while it can be all consuming. You step outside from your work area and you realize that you can't remember the last time you went outside to get some fresh air. That's the nature of projects, where you are so focused that you even forget to return your mother's voicemail because you were busy troubleshooting some source code on a website and didn't want to lose your place in the line of code, so you promised yourself that you would call her back in a little while and then that little while becomes an hour and then a few hours and before you know it, a couple of days have gone by and you're still working on that website.

I stepped away from the project that I was working on to take a walk to the post office and pick up the mail, wow, I guess I should go to the post office more often, because the little mailbox was bulging with mail. I could barely pull it out of its small box and I'm sure some of the mail, fell back on the inside floor of the mail room, so I'll have to get that mail, when the post office reopens. The walk home from the post office was equally as interesting, because I forgot how many dogs are not on a lease in the neighborhood, so walking faster than usual felt good too!

It was too much mail to sort through, mostly magazines and colored brochures to attend this or that conference, and I had enough with being on the computer so much working on projects, so I decided to take a trip up North, and you know what? The most I remember about that trip up North, is dozing off to sleep as soon as the airplane reached its cruising altitude and this poem from Curthom. Enjoy until next time.

"You have to inhabit a reality, often found in the dreams that wake you from your sleep.

A dream where the vision is as narrowly understood as the stupor of sudden awakeness.

Within this blur of confusion, clarity is as instant as the epiphany that haunts the memory of the dream." by Curthom

Life As An Endless Dream

I found myself walking through Manila Chinatown searching for a tofu maker to purchase a kilo of tofu. I felt like having some tofu that evening with some batchoy, a Chinese vegetable that goes very well over steamed rice. It's been a long time since I had that dish, tofu and batchoy over steam rice, so I didn't mind walking all over Chinatown to find the tofu maker.

My walk reminded me of a dream I had once in which I didn't want to wake up from, because the dream seemed so real and something good was about to happen to me and suddenly the alarm clock went off and I struggled within the dream to ignore the alarm to no avail, I awakened.

Since "dreams are a reflection of the active mind when awake," according to The Book of Curthom, "it's not so important that we don't remember all the details of the dream, the importance is that we dream. Dreams are the pleasures of our desires that we inhibit during our waking hours, so when we dream, we should rejoice. Even the mind needs time to play and to explore and this happens when we dream." Walking all about Chinatown, was like a surreal experience of sorts with so many fascinating things to draw your attention to. Yep, I eventually found the tofu maker in an alleyway with a host of tofu makers. It was a tough choice to pick from the many tofu makers, but I'm grateful I can read the prices in Chinese, because my Tagalog needs nurturing. I'll conclude with a short poem from Curthom.

"Life is an endless dream between waking and being awake. Love brings forth life and life extends to man and woman. Love is a journey that wears with time, but true love is a trip that never ends and the scenery along the way is nothing but the blessed ambiance, that sustains the reasons two people commit to one another. With this commitment to stay together, the night becomes the day and the day becomes the night and each eagerly anticipate its arrival with pleasure." Excerpt from The Book of Curthom.

The Meaning Of It All

"Life has meaning, only when we share it with someone, otherwise life is just one seamless journey from birth to death."

Curthom

The Warmth Of Life

"When I was a boy, I use to stare at the sun. I use to stare at the sun to see if I could see its origins. I would stare at the sun for so long and so often, that its warmth scorched my eyes. I stared at the sun so frequently, that its brightness, stole my sight and left me in darkness.
Now I live in darkness, stumbling over my ignorance of why I did what I did. Though my world is one of sustained darkness, I still feel the warmth of the sun. I'm not angry at the sun for taking my sight away, nor am I angry at myself for being too curious of where the sun comes from. Some say, I was stupid for staring at the sun and that's why I lost my sight. That's all in the past now, although I am reminded each day of the mistake that I made in staring at the sun. There are those who can see everything, yet understand very little of what they saw. There are some who stare at the unfortunate circumstances of others and comment negative things, even though they have little knowledge of that person's plight. I forgive myself for being foolish in staring at the sun, but I could never forgive myself for my curiosity of the sun's origin. I smile each day that I'm given no matter how terrible others tell me it is, because I'm still grateful for the warmth of the sun."
An excerpt from Curthom.

No matter how difficult our circumstances seem to be to us, there is always someone, somewhere who has it worse. We shouldn't celebrate the fact that there is someone worse off then ourself, but rejoice in the reality that we have much to be grateful for and quite often it is a humbling experience. Just the other day I was murmuring about the fact that I didn't have enough petrol to get to class and had to walk. Well it rained quite heavily that morning and even though I had set out early to class, I was soaking wet and quite cold. The air conditioned classroom made it unbearable for me at first, so I went to the restroom and took off all of my clothing in the handicap stall and rung out all of my clothing and put them back on.

When I arrived back to class, I saw that many of the students had not shown up yet and the teacher announced that one of the students had an accident and wouldn't be attending the class for a while. I didn't think much about it during the class until the walk half-way home. The sun shined all afternoon and was the complete opposite of the weather on my walk to class. I kept wondering what caused the student to have the accident? Was it the weather? Were they rushing because they were late to class? Did a driver run the traffic signal? I didn't know, but I was hoping that they were going to be okay.

Arriving home after the walk to and from class, I was grateful that I was healthy enough to go the distance to and from class without stopping to rest or collapsing along the way. It was only six miles or so, but it had been a long time since I've walked six miles and it seemed more like 12 miles each way due to my aching legs and feet. The first mile seem to go on forever and the more I concentrated on the negative, my having to walk, the more grueling the walk became. After about the second mile I was famished and would have paid anything for an ice cold soda pop and then the rain came. First as little drops, you know the kind of drops that makes you think that a bird just took a leak from above and about ten minutes later, came the rain with a vengeance. I got so wet, so quickly, that my shoes were making sucking sounds before I could find cover to stand under. I couldn't really wait out the rain so I continued my journey to class arriving early enough to try to dry out some. I was so happy that I made it to class and I didn't burn any gasoline getting there and back that I treated myself to a baseball cap from the one of the many thrift stores on the way home. The baseball cap cost less than a gallon of gas, in fact the cap cost about a fourth of the price of a gallon of gas. All and all, I've learned not to fret over things that I can not change and look for the good in everything, including the circumstances we find ourselves in sometimes, because the world is a big place and there is always someone who is worse off then ourself. My experiences living here and abroad have taught me to celebrate the good in all of us, even though it may take some effort and action to achieve it. So in summary, what did I learned in class that day? Well, it was an Economics Class and this is what I gathered from it, that there are things in business that happen that we can not predict or forecast and it costs the parties involved time, money or opportunity and when it happens, Economics refers to it as an "externality," but in most of our worlds, we simply call it, "Life."

I

An Impressionable Journey

After a much needed vacation, I found myself returning from an extended stay deep within the jungles of South East Asia. I lived a rather indigenous life during this time not so much out of want, but out of necessity. I was so far from any conveniences that after several days, I started to adopt the ways of the natives around me.

It was Friedrich Nietzsche who wrote about his opinions on life, and I paraphrase that "Everything said, has already been spoken." So, I'll be brief in telling about my little adventure in South East Asia. I left America for a brief spell, because like so many Americans, I had become complacent with things going on around me and needed a "wake up call," however you may define it. For me, a "wake up call," was an effort to get away from being around so much "stuff" and getting back to what really mattered in life, and for me that meant breathing with ease and sweating without fainting.

I spent more time than I probably needed looking for clean drinking water and then fetching it and bringing it back to cook. The coconuts shells had to be dried out in advance and if, it didn't rain, there was plenty of dried cobra (dried coconut shells) to use as charcoal to start and sustain a fire. Cold water showers were the norm and the chicken that had awaken me earlier, became my breakfast hours later.

Eating, had become such a big deal now that I was so far away from a supermarket, store or "mom and pop" concern that sells basic items like rice, cooking oil, some spices, tobacco and , soaps. These "mom and pop" stores, called sari-saris, are a mainstay all through out South East Asia, and if, you don't have one close by, then you really are far out from everything.

Plenty of time to think and those questions that many of us, have little time to answer, like, what's really important in my life? Why am I here? What's my purpose in this life? What am I doing here? Why did this or that happen to me? You get the picture--maybe I should include a picture, huh? Perhaps next time....

So, in keeping it brief, here is what a trip to the jungle taught me, yep, I'm still learning, even as I breathe. Mosquito repellent purchased in America, is an appetizer for the mosquitoes of South East Asia. Boxer underwear aren't very comfortable after a 6 mile walk through thick brush. Flip flop shoes have that one strap that goes between your big toe and the next toe, and it's never really durable enough to stay in place. Suntan lotions are nothing more than cooking oil.

Oh yeah, you don't have to worry about what to do because the overwhelming majority of your time is spent getting clean water to drink and cook, finding something to eat, cooking it, washing up, doing laundry and walking up and down one mountain after another to get to where you're going, if indeed you're going the right way and in between all of these activities, napping.

From it all, I paraphrase what I've learned, those who had lots of creature comfort stuff like, a tent, blankets, fancy propane stove, pots, pans, utensils, weeks worth of clothing, suffered the most, getting to the clearings where we camped, but once we got there, they seem to relish in the things they brought, but what if, they lost their things, could they still survive in the jungle? So, it brings to mind, something someone told me while living in China:

"To claim no possessions, so that no possessions may claim you."
A Chinese Proverb

In my youth I had 11 fine European automobiles and if, you ask me now, why? I couldn't really tell you, except I didn't drink or smoke and basically the only vice I had back then was my love of well-constructed motor cars. Looking back in hindsight, I see how those 11 European automobiles enslaved me. Enslaved me in the sense that I couldn't go away for too long of a period of time, for fear something would come of those cars. Something like someone stealing one or a few of them in my absence or worry about someone breaking into them and taking parts off of them, after all, some of the cars were unique and rare indeed!

In due part because of those cars, I had to give up extended vacations of months at a time in far flung places like Southern China and the lesser Antilles in the Caribbean and such. Needless to say I was single then as I am now, and answered only to The Most High, and whatever desire that moved me at the time. That I guess is the luxury of youth. You're young, you have little responsibilities and your time is spent doing the things you love and cherish. Fast Forward several decades later, and you look upon the past and ask yourself, what the heck was I thinking?

I was so caught up working hard and climbing the career ladder until one day I realized there weren't enough rungs on that career ladder to climb, because there were too many of us climbing the same ladder and no "man made" ladder could endure such weight or ambitions. Unfortunately for many and perhaps fortunate for some, we got the promotions, the big house in a gated community, the trophy wife, the luxury car, the fancy sports car, the two children onto the wait list at the local private school even before they were born and now some of us are wondering, now what?

Most of the folks I know or use to know, are so caught up with keeping the things that they've worked so hard for that they rarely have time to visit friends anymore. They are too busy trying to maintain, service or repair their possessions on their days off. Many, if not most, have so many things, if you asked them to list the things they have, some would have difficulty penning everything down on paper. However, much of what my friends possess, just collects dust and the other things they have, just gets abused, because there is little time to learn how to operate some of their toys properly.

When I ask my friends, when is your next vacation or holiday, the general response I get is, "Well, we thought about driving or flying down to this place or that place for a few days and try to relax when we get there, but they're always taking their cellphones, laptops, or other tech devices that keeps them connected to the rest of the world. So, even on their short two or three day outings, there is little time to unwind.

I think the more we become interconnected as a planet, the tendency to want to stay in touch with others will only increase. I know that my 11 cars that I owned at one time in my youth, surely seemed like children after some time and I really couldn't venture off too far. I see that same behavior in many of my friends today, with not having the time to get away for months at a time, to explore another culture, lifestyle, language, etc.. It is far too easy today to allow our possessions to possess us. The more we have, the greater the tendency to think about what we have, and base many of our decisions on doing what we have to do, on keeping what we have. I know now in this point in my life, that which I place greatest claim to, aren't things or possessions. Rather, I lay claim to good health, long life and the curiosity to go beyond the borders of my birthplace and see with my own eyes, how others inhabit this Earth, that is my claim.

Born Into Death

We are all born into death and what we do between birth and death, we call our lives. Is it no wonder that some of us when we pass away are afforded the opportunity for someone to say some parting remarks about our lives?

From the moment we take our first breath, until the time we take our last breath, death awaits us whether we acknowledge it or not. Very much in the same way, that we breath without thought of it, death inhabits us, just as life inhabits us.

We neither know the time or the moment of when this cohabitation with death will take us to the other side, no more than we know when this cohabitation with life, will cease to be. We take our first breath at birth and the next breath that comes thereafter, is a luxury still.

So, we go through life trying to forget that we were born into death and forgetting for the most part that death is with us, just like our breath is with us. Some of us try to do all that we can do in the time that we have, while others of us, do what we may and are clueless to our own finiteness.

We don't dwell on death no more than we dwell on breathing, yet for many of us, we mark our time on this Earth by celebrating our lives, by acknowledging the day we were born with a birthday party. Our birthdays can be a measure of how far we've come and perhaps how far we may have to go, based on our individual definitions of what we deem important in our lives. For some of us, that may mean a relationship with the cosmos, religion, education, an individual or our finances. We each start out in life seeking to define our lives based on what we know about life, all the while, acknowledging our birthdays and the passage of time. So, why is time so important for many of us?

Time is important for many of us, and for the clueless, time really doesn't matter. Time rules everything in our existence, from the time of one's birth, to the time of one's death. How is that time is elevated to an importance that equals breathing? Time is here before our births and time is here even as you read this text, and time will be here long after we all take our last breath. Time is the greatest judge we will all come to know! It is because of time that most of us go about our lives the way we do. Some of us are moving at warp speed through life, but light years away from inhabiting the moment. We are essentially taking a Ferrari to our own funeral and the sad part is, we're actually arriving too early.

If, it were up to me, I'd take a Yugoslavian Yugo to my funeral and hope that it breaks down along the way more than a few times. I'm in no hurry to die young or at all for that matter, but because we were all born into death and I am part of that "all," I have come to accept that death is inevitable, but I try not to dwell on it, like I'm doing here.

After all, when you die, who is going to be at your funeral? I haven't a clue, but I know one thing for sure-I'll be there. Whether or not anyone else shows up, I will never know, but one thing I do know is, time waits for no one and time can not be contained or controlled. If it could, we would all harness time and use it, like the "Fountain of Youth," and buy ourselves more of it.
So, if we are good, we will go to Heaven or crossover to the other side with a more prosperous life than the one we lived, and if, we were bad, well, that's when we are reunited with our friends who were also bad, in that place where we are told there is no air conditioning. Heck, who needs air conditioning when you've got a sauna.

I believe that everyone deep down inside is a good person, although it may not be so readily apparent on the surface. So, I go through life treating everyone like I wish to be treated and my actions, as best as others have observed, prove that I'm a swell guy, whatever that means?
The problem is not with me being a good or swell guy, but the belief that if, you do good, you go to Heaven. Well, I try my best to do good, so I want to go to Heaven, but I don't want to die in order to get there!

So, like many of you, I wish I could say to heck with death and the heck with time, but time is the reason why all of us get up in the morning or whenever you get up. Time is the reason we do whatever it is that we do, so that we can say, we did it or say, it's done. It's sad really, but true, if, it wasn't for death, time would not have any relevance whatsoever in our lives, because we would have time to do anything and all that we wish to do. It is because of death, that we are conscious of time, even when we try not to be, because death, validates time! It is because of death, that time is elevated to the essence of our being. We are nothing and no one until time has acknowledge us all in birth and we spend our days and nights on this Earth trying to capture, control, contain and elude time.

Time is like the air we breath, it is plentiful and precious until we take it for granted. It's only when we don't have enough of it or any of it, that we distress
ourselves with it. Enjoy every breath you breathe as if, it were your last and relish in the minutes that make up the hours that pass you by in the company of family and well-meaning friends, so that your days that are numbered become countless blessings of a life worth living.