Friday, November 12, 2010

The Meaning Of Self



"Standing within a world where happiness is and isn't.  I know of no other place than Hell and Earth, yet, love comes only once.  Have I traveled so far that I have left all memory of myself behind?  When will I know the depth of my loneliness?  How soon will my thirst for another be quenched?  Why must today, become another tomorrow?

Why must my tomorrows lead to yesterday?  Why must today reaffirm my presence?  So much life, so much living yet I don't feel alive.  Numb to my very own heartbeat, I can no longer feel for another.  Must I become what I am?"  Excerpt from The Book of Curthom

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Truth and Consequences of The Third Party In A Relationship



One plus One equals three, when you allow a third party into your relationship.  Few relationships can survive the static and drama that a third person brings to your relationships.  You won’t see it coming and when you finally realize it, often it is too late, because the betrayal is almost always fatal to any relationship.

No amount of apologizing will console a shattered heart, that is bleeding with trust issues as hemorrhagic as any wound.  The intrigues of another sets in when the third party becomes a part of your relationship, whether willingly or unwillingly, some emotional baggage is being handled, every time your partner divulges the intimacy of your relationship with the opposite sex.

Affairs often ensue with the third person who you were privy with the most secretive of details that were once reserved for your partner.  Once a third party knows your most intimate desires and weakness, they often use that to their advantage to destroy the bond between a couple and infidelity becomes as second nature as lying to your partner.

The excuses and sudden changes in behavior become detectable not only to your partner, but your friends as well.  Each trying to disguise what is morally wrong, while at the same time, basking in its lust.  The emotional attachment to the third person becomes an obstacle to the couple’s relationship, but the partner vested in affair, relishes the excitement of doing what they want when they want, while falsely trying to hang on to their partner’s concern.

Soon the third person occupies not only the mind of your partner, but their heart also and their body, is just one of the benefits.  It doesn’t matter to the person involved with the third person, whether the relationship is emotional or sexual, but it does matter deeply to the partner who is being cheated of the empathy and intimacy their missing.

It may be the willing ear to listen, the mystery of sex with someone else who does things , your partner would consider deviant or the mystery of trying to hide it all from your partner, that drives some partners to cheat, but ultimately, infidelity almost always destroys trust and the absence of trust, fatally destroys relationships.

Even in the most heated and passionate relationships come to a lull where each person feels less than appealing to their partners and if both partners don’t find a way to reignite the interest that they once had with one another, enter the third person.  What does it take to keep your partner interested in you?  The same things you did to capture their attention and their heart, but deliver those things in a mysterious and unpredictable manner, so there is excitement when it happens.

In today’s fast moving society, men and women interact frequently in the work place and other arenas, so there is amble opportunity to encounter the third person.  Be careful who you share your relationship secrets with, because the willing listener often becomes your lover.  You can blame on the alcohol or your desire or your loneliness, but it is still betrayal if you are in a relationship with someone else.

Who you chose and how you decide when you allow yourself to be seduced by the third person, may very well determine the outcome of your relationship and your life.  Do you want to be the third person in someone else’s relationship?  If, you’re not careful with your relationship, you could very well find yourself in just such a situation.

Your partner could express their refusal to tolerate your behavior and leave you.  You just may find that your partner is not afraid to get up and leave and make a life for themselves without you.  Is that what you want?

Here is what it takes to keep the third person out of your relationship.

The very reason you are in a relationship with your partner is because there was something about them that made you want to be with them.  Rediscover what that was, but don’t be afraid to be yourself.  That is don’t be afraid to be you, whatever that means and however you expressed yourself and your passion before meeting your partner.  Revisit that person and be that person.  Do you and be you, but it with your partner and help them to find it within themselves to be themselves.

Couples like when their partner is somewhat mysterious and unpredictable with them.  Surprise your mate and let them know that you appreciate them now and forever by doing something that they like unexpectedly and be genuine in your approach.  Do it because you care enough to see them happy enjoying the pleasure that you bring to the relationship.

Don’t get bogged down in the drudgery of getting too use to one another.  Voice your opinion, but do it with a sense of wanting to be understood and appreciated and not from a viewpoint of confrontation or being right.  Let your partner know how you feel about the things that they do, for better or worse and that you are concerned about the outcome of their actions.  Make every day, one that paints positive and pleasant memories of your life together and the third person becomes someone you only read about.  There is no greater intimacy than the essence that two people share when the love they share is expressed in a way, that makes every waking moment, a thought of each other.