I went to my appointment with the Nephrologist, a doctor who specializes in kidney function issues at the Veterans Administration Medical Clinic and before the hour passed I saw the Nephrologist. He looked into my eyes with one of those eye scopes and jumped back quickly. I turned quickly to look over my shoulder to see what had frighten him. To my surprise there was no one behind me. What happened next was a bit surreal when the doctor told me that I may lose my vision, because when he stated that my optic nerve which is at the base of the back of your eye is swollen.
I asked him what would cause such a condition and he told me that it is generally caused by too much pressure within the skull. A case oftentimes of too much pressure on the brain and no where for that pressure to go. Medically it is called, Papillary Edema. The doctor had the nurse called for ambulance while he finished charting notes to send to the emergency room with me. Meanwhile, I sat quietly reeling in the shock of it all and how the outcome if any, would unfold. Sometime later the ambulance arrived and transported me to the emergency room and that was just the threshold of what was to follow. The minutes became hours and the hours gave way to days, while I went into and out of consciousness of the environment around me. During those brief periods of consciousness, here what I remember.
The color of my sputum, like a barometer told me in advance how my week would turn out if I didn't intervene. The texture of my bowel movements of lack of movements told me how my day was going to unfold, if I ignored it. From the bouts of nausea, the constant poking and prodding of one medication after another, procedure after procedure, I came into the consciousness of understanding that life is as fragile as illness is scarring, both physically and mentally.
As permanent as death is, there should be an alternative to suffering as ther is a temporary solution for pain. Everything returns, illness, scarring, suffering and pain. Even death returns to haunt the memory of those still living. You chose the neagative or the positive memories that haunt the living, by your actions or lack of actions, your attitude and your kindness while you endure the finalitiy of it all.
