How Do You Know That Your Love Is True?

"You know you have found true love, when that one person occupies your every thought and when you are with them, nothing else around you exists but them. There is no room in your mind for someone else to interrupt who you are thinking about and there is no room in your heart for anyone else but that person.

True love is true, because it possesses all of you. Your heart, your mind and everything that you do. Your actions certify that what you have is real and those who know you, will speak of a glow that illuminates from you.

True love results from sacrifice without hesitation. You don't think twice about doing something for the one who has captured your heart, because to refuse, brings pain to you. True love is pain, but its pain is all suffocating and the depth of the pain is everlasting.

True love is a love within yourself that you lose yourself for when you share it with someone else. You no longer exist as a person. You become one with the person who inhabits your every thought. There is a longing that you can't explain when the one you feel so much for is absent, it is a void that is worse than death.

True love is true, because the truth doesn't need an explanation, its feelings run deeper than any sensation you've ever had and its actions remind you to be sure the other person feels the same way too. We all experience it at least once in our lives and even though we may not realize it, we sometimes walk away from it, not knowing it and spend the rest of our lifetimes seeking it"

From the readings of Curthom

Love In A Time Of Innocence

This is probably something that many of us in similar situations will probably never admit, but I will for the sake of disclosure, so that my readers will better understand me. My parents really didn't love each other, both of them used to love someone else. I believe that to be the reason that I was left with a sense of emptiness all my life. They stayed together some 12 years until they decided to get a divorce and go their separate ways. My sisters and brothers, we all became "collateral damage" as a result of the divorce. Left with this aunt and that uncle, this grandmother and that grandmother, until everyone tried of having us around.

I use to tell myself, I would never get married because I didn't want to feel the depth of a greater emptiness still, if my wife ever left me. There is something very cynical and evil about rejection. I can't explain it, but there is no medicine that can cure it when you have it, so you learn to live with it. I followed my heart one day, grew to love someone and got married to what I thought was a beautiful woman and person. Mind you, she was beautiful, but as a person, her selfishness was simply astounding, beyond anything I could have ever imagined or predicted. She didn't reciprocate her love or things. She didn't share herself with me, and I was her husband. It's like I got married, but a wife didn't come with the marriage! The beauty was physical, but the attitude was real and superficial. Nothing genuine about her, not even pretending to like me, just what I could give her. Just take, take, take, no give me some of your time, your love, your humanity. I could only attribute in hindsight, that her childhood must have been one of many challenges and hardships, because she was a shell of a woman and a wife without emotions. Could I have been that drunk with love, to not notice the single mindedness of our relationship? Gosh only knows, but soon enough I found out after I got married that my wife was in love with someone else and I had financed his university education and his living expenses over our four year courtship. Can you imagine what's it like being married to someone and yet there is no empathy, compassion, affection or consideration for you from your wife? It's like being with a roommate who doesn't even acknowledge that you are in the same room with them. What a shallow feeling and existence.


As expected, the depths of emptiness, drowned me in darkness. A darkness in which my eyes were wide open, but I still couldn't see. I should have seen all the red flags and warnings before we got married, but I was so in love with her, that I hadn't even notice that I, as a person had changed. I had become the pawn that she was looking for and gave her most of the things she asked for and what I didn't give to her, I put on "layaway," that is, I promised that we would get those things, whatever they were later, because for now, I felt we needed to spend more time bonding with each other and less time working so hard to pay for the things we already had. Little did I realize that she was building her life with someone else on the side and me, boy oh boy, how blind you are when you are in love with someone-you're lucky if you can see the world around you sometimes, because all your energy and attention is on the one you love. So, a lot of things got by me and I missed out on most of the signals your family and friends tell you about, thinking, oh no, that doesn't apply to "my wife," because "she's special, she's my wife!"


Then, one day the pain that you harbour, mimics a heart attack and you finally admit to yourself that you have no desire to leave the relationship because of the shame associated with failure and rejection and besides, where else are you going to find someone who makes you feel the way she does, or the way, you imagined she would before you married. So, I persisted for years until the blatant disrespect for marriage took its toil and she filed for divorce. When the divorce papers arrived, it was like tearing the skin from a fresh wound. Up until then I suffered alone and keep my pain personal and to myself, but the divorce papers, woke me up to the depth of my pain. The depth was deeper than any ocean or any sky. The pain of rejection, failure and outright disrespect for the sacredness of marriage, left a void within me that numbed my heart and I could no longer feel its beats. Like most of us, I continued to follow my heart and it lead me to the "slaughterhouse of deceit." My heart fooled me, and my emotions ran empty, leaving me a shell of a man. So, here I stand alone in a world of strangers once again. A skeleton of the man I use to be and absent of the person, I am to become.


I guess everything happens for a reason, or at least that is what we are supposed to tell ourselves, huh? So, what have I learned from this experience? What was the reason of it all? Hmmm, let's see...Well, I've learned that people oftentimes make excuses for being together. We're together because of this or that, the income, the kids, the things they own, etc., and one day when one or the other tires of the excuses, one of them, the other, or both of them, make up their minds and say to the other, no more excuses and part ways. Through it all, I've come to realize that it's not in the departure that paralyzes you, but the thoughts of the relationship ending and having to start over with or without someone else in your life.


"What is love, but the acceptance of what we feel to be emotional, even in the absence of reciprocity. Love is nothing more than trust unveiled" Curthom

Dreams versus Realities

For a week or so, I have been so busy organizing

and reorganizing a business structure, that it

seems that my days and nights are blended together and if it wasn't for the sun rising, and the sun setting, I wouldn't even know what time of day it is or what day of the week or month it is.

I guess that the nature of an Internet business, your days and nights can sometimes become blended.

If, you spend a fair amount of time online, editing, designing, tweaking and other stuff to your website that after a while it can be all consuming. You step outside from your work area and you realize that you can't remember the last time you went outside to get some fresh air. That's the nature of projects, where you are so focused that you even forget to return your mother's voicemail because you were busy troubleshooting some source code on a website and didn't want to lose your place in the line of code, so you promised yourself that you would call her back in a little while and then that little while becomes an hour and then a few hours and before you know it, a couple of days have gone by and you're still working on that website.

I stepped away from the project that I was working on to take a walk to the post office and pick up the mail, wow, I guess I should go to the post office more often, because the little mailbox was bulging with mail. I could barely pull it out of its small box and I'm sure some of the mail, fell back on the inside floor of the mail room, so I'll have to get that mail, when the post office reopens. The walk home from the post office was equally as interesting, because I forgot how many dogs are not on a lease in the neighborhood, so walking faster than usual felt good too!

It was too much mail to sort through, mostly magazines and colored brochures to attend this or that conference, and I had enough with being on the computer so much working on projects, so I decided to take a trip up North, and you know what? The most I remember about that trip up North, is dozing off to sleep as soon as the airplane reached its cruising altitude and this poem from Curthom. Enjoy until next time.

"You have to inhabit a reality, often found in the dreams that wake you from your sleep.

A dream where the vision is as narrowly understood as the stupor of sudden awakeness.

Within this blur of confusion, clarity is as instant as the epiphany that haunts the memory of the dream." by Curthom